Thursday, March 27, 2008

A Community Organizing Approach

So this week's trip to Chicago proved a setback in my 100 date goal. But it's been a nice break from meeting characters like the 'Biter' and the 'Grabber'. Instead I met the 'Organizer' and the 'Activist'. Just kidding, but as I sat through another empowering speech about how to organize leaders to draw up detailed plans to transform our communities and get what the community wants- a light goes on in my head...ding! Why not create a detailed work plan to get through these dates? Organizing is not that complicated of an effort. You need to talk to people, tell them about your project. Get them excited about it, listen to their take on it and when they offer advice or help, ask them to join in the effort...what can they contribute? What are their strengths? How can those strengths help you achieve your vision? I talk to my friends and enlist a few soldiers in this project- their enthusiasm rivals mine- I love it.

I quickly use my network to set something up for Friday night, yes- in Chicago - where I've never been before. I have a date with a guy my father met online through the Guatemalan web community. The guy knows my cousins somehow and will be picking me up and taking me to a Mayan party featuring....karaoke...huh? At least I didn't have to lift a finger, my dad did it for me! That was easy.

My next stop is New York, I'll be leaning on my facebook network to set some things up for me and have two very eligible bachelors I've recruited to my cause. Would I relocate for love? I happen to love New York so the answer is...definitely yes! Spanish Harlem here I come!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Date #6- the grabber

A. (Pleasant Hill). Found us in the Haight enjoying the cool bars and dive spots where hipsters and yupsters comingle with hippies and druggies. What a great neighborhood. I met the boy (yes he showed up in a backwards baseball cap and a gap sweatshirt- WTF?) at the Alembic, which sports some of the best signature rye and bourbon drinks around. My drink, Blood and Sand scared my date a little. He had an old fashioned- but he my dears is not. He should have ordered the grabber because he couldn't keep his hands off me. Not cool. This was the first time we'd met...WTF?

We got hungry and despite this overly affectionate guy, I didn't want to waste a trip to the Haight so we headed to Cha, Cha, Cha's- a must if you're bar hopping on Haight. We sat at the bar because despite that it was a Sunday night, the place was packed. We snagged two stools and commenced to drink a pitcher of sangria- yum! There I met the boyz in the 'hood. A. and D.- both from San Francisco and ghetto as hell. They were fun though. We sat there and talked about how nobody who grew up here lives here anymore. Turns out my date and D. went to high school together- what a small city. After, we headed to Club Deluxe to listen to Bossa Nova and enjoy a Spa Collins- whiskey no less- no wonder I'm not feeling so good today.

There, I realized that this kid is in no shape or form grown up yet, and honey I'm sorry but I'm done house breaking. Okay, so he's 29 right, what did I expect? I walked him to his car and he drove me to mine. I tried to get out and that's when he grabbed me for the 100th time that night to plant a wet kiss on my face- ick! Tip #46 for you guys- never, ever, ever, move in for the kiss unless she moves in too! You go 90%, she goes 10! Hasn't he seen Hitch? I got the hell out of there and heard him yell, "c'mon baby!"- oh hell no! I'm getting a little freaked out by the guys I'm meeting online. I think it's time to ask my friends for hook ups. What's up guys, hook a sista' up!

The de-balling of men

Later Saturday I found myself at Cigar Bar with live music and good drinks. Can I just tell you how many good looking men don't dance salsa? Eye candy everywhere, except I screwed up and had guy #1 come meet us at the bar. I know, I know, you don't bring sand to the beach, but I wanted someone to dance with and I am still trying to figure out whether or not this guy has dating potential. We ended up dancing the rest of the night despite that neither one of us is a great dancer. P. however is a great kisser. Smart, funny, entrepreneurial and a great kisser. We left the bar and had a drink at his place. Then, the talk.

It was a surreal experience. He told me about previous habits (cavorting is how he describes his lifestyle), that he's really looking to settle down but didn't really know me or where this was going. Can I just tell you all that I did not do the 'girl' thing and ask where we were headed? We were just sitting there having a drink- you'd think I was expecting a marriage proposal. Kidding aside though, I did appreciate that he was really up front right away about what he's looking for, how emotionally mature! It was what I needed to hear from the ex but he didn't have the balls to say. He was definitely de-balled, P. isn't. Deballing was described to me when a man is so concerned about not offending his date/woman and is confused as to how to behave, to open the door or not, to sleep together or not, to say what's on your mind or not. Interesting. A ball check is a must moving forward.

Despite or maybe because of the talk, at least he made me breakfast in the morning. What a guy. But I'm not feeling the 'butterflies' so to take my girlfriend's advice, I'm not going to force it, time to move on.

The first dud

Saturday I found myself driving to San Jose to meet D- after the 20 minutes of obligatory nice to meet you conversation at Applebees I was out the door and on my way to retail therapy. Nothing like buying a new pair of stilettos to shrug off a dud. Guys, here's some friendly advice- first, post a recent picture of yourself on your profile. Don't waste my time with a small picture of yourself from far away that was taken 10 years ago when you still looked good and weighed 20 pounds less. Second, on a first date- NEVER let her pay- it makes you look like a cheap bastard!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Euros are Hot!/ The Biter at Temple

So I took a break from the dating scene this past weekend and instead went camping. Boys, boys, boys. Who knew they liked roughing it? I think I'm going to go camping more often, there's nothing like the wild for that cave man instinct to flourish. Hot! So I didn't meet anyone I'm interested in dating, however I think I'm on the right track, my guy definitely has to be able to take charge in a wilderness situation.

So last night brought me to Temple, the French Tuesday crowd. In case you haven't heard of this private club, it's run by the same people who do French Tuesdays in LA, New York and Miami. www.frenchtuesdays.com

Last night was the one year anniversary of this exclusive club and I found myself donning stillettos and lip gloss and heading out.

Can I just say that European men are freakin' hot?!!! I love Italian men, how could I have forgotten about the Euros? They are wordly, sexy, romantic and can dance and enjoy life. So I didn't put the moves on anyone and found myself hanging out with friends instead. I did meet a biter. Standing at the bar, an actual grown man grabbed my shoulder from behind and yes, bit me! What the hell? Can I just give you guys some advice? Ask before you bite! Damn! I downed my drink and went home shortly afterward. I overheard the biter talking to an Amazon (a very tall woman) about his budding career in pharmaceuticals- thank God he is innoculated.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

How many frogs do I have to kiss before I find my prince?

Okay, so I haven't kissed any of my dates just yet. I'm not feeling the chemistry...I guess it takes more than a date or two to get there. But there are other more important issues. My good friend challenged me today to- dare I say it- date outside of my comfort zone. As a general preference, I've never dated white boys (WB's). Contrary to popular (stereotypical) belief, this "spicy"- I fuc*ing hate that word- Latina is not into the WB's despite the stereotype that we want the American dream and find ourselves a nice WB to marry and take us away from our frijoles and tortillas in the barrio- so not into the internalized racism. Okay, sorry, I told myself I would be nice so as not to scare the WB's off.

I don't have anything against them, they can be nice. Some are even somewhat good looking- Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Harrison Ford (c'mon- he played Han Solo AND Indiana Jones!). However, I find that my hesitation in getting involved with this particular breed comes from something that's very important to me...culture- or lack thereof. 'Papa sin sal" (flavorless) is how I've heard them described by close friends tired of being approached at a crowded bar by a drunk WB speaking Spanish with a horrible accent, "Whola, kuomo esta senerita"? Give me a break! But seriously, I can't discount an entire race of people based on a few bad apples, otherwise I'd be just like them, oh wait, that wasn't nice either. Oh well! I changed my settings on the website- we'll see who pops up, stay tuned.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Hello Mexico...#4

M-Santa Barbara. He is hot! Still an undergrad so I kinda' felt like I was robbing the cradle. Coffee date was short and sweet- like my coffee he was smooth, tall, and dark. I forgot how much I love Mexican men! Except this one is still an undergraduate with no real career just yet...no, I'm done breaking in the boys, onto the next.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Dating hangover...dates #2 and 3

Saturday night's date (M.- San Francisco). I made a dating faux pas, I took him to a bar where I used to hang out with the ex and his friends- bad move- the bartender looked vexed and then mentioned D- ugh! The drinks were good, then the conversation turned to my date asking me how he should ask out his classmate!

I dropped him off and headed to Russian Hill for a party- the guys hosting the party were pretty cool. I haven't seen pinatas since my godson's birthday party though and the site of 30 year-olds in high heels fumbling around blindfolded wielding a long stick in the dark cold night was- well- hilarious. Didn't stay long enough to meet anyone- not my kind of crowd. Instead, headed to the Mission for cheap strong drinks, punk Latinos and cumbia. I met E.- from Ecuador there. I must have been drunk b/c I gave him my no. despite my better judgment. I hope he got the no. wrong.

Ended the weekend by meeting guy no. 1 for 'tea'. He has a great smile- I find myself liking the guy but still not feeling the 'zing'. Debating whether to keep seeing him or move to the friends column...we will see. In the meantime, working to set up the next round of dates for the week....maybe speed dating? 2 more down, 97 to go.