You won't find this guy on AZNLOVER.COM, but he's hot right? So today's SF Chronicle had me cracking up, then when I thought about it more, I had to comment. For years, my coworkers, friends, boyfriends and exes have been talking about how hard Asian men have it when it comes to dating. Like my cousin says, "their women don't want them, why should I"? I know that's f-ed up right? Asian men and Latinas have this in common: our sexuality is captured in several very tired stereotypes, Asians: the effeminate, kung fu, super nerd and us, the oversexed Latina sexpot as played by Salma Hayek, Eva Mendez, J-ghetto booty-Lo and Conchita Alonzo. Stereotypes aside, there is an entire pool of eligible men in this wonderfully diverse city of ours. It's no secret to my friends and others who know me, Asian guys have a thing for me...I actually see and talk to them! I don't buy into the stereotypes and neither should you. I can't help but wonder, in a city as diverse as ours and in a world that's increasingly growing smaller...Why are we still hung up on race?
Today's article on interracial dating http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/06/18/apop.DTL&hw=Asian+dating&sn=001&sc=1000 discusses the novelty and public reaction when non-Asian women are seen dating Asian men. Even in a city as diverse as SF, 10 years ago when I was dating my first Chinese guy, we definitely got some looks. We didn't necessarily reject the attention, but it did get annoying when my friends kept asking how well endowed he was. No worries ladies, that stereotype is definitely false.
In my experience growing up in SF, I've understood the Chinese culture in particular to be ethnocentric, insular, and holding onto tradition, particularly the older generation despite an increase in interracial dating. This holds true for many Latin-american families as well and there's nothing wrong with cultural preservation, so long as its not rooted in racism and discrimination. Intentions here become really important.
The sad part is that this was a major reason for the failure of my last relationship. Despite being an educated, successful and rather attractive and witty young woman (not to mention my humility) I thought my culture and his had a lot in common. I guess it all depends on how you approach the whole thing. My parents weren't necessarily thrilled but I handled it openly from the beginning, he did not, he kind of just sprung it on his parents by brining me to a family function- a wedding no less. Talk about awkward!
Essentially, I've learned this, if family is important to you, you'll eventually figure out a way to make it work. I don't hold any grudges, and I'm definitely keeping the option open. I am however curious as to what your experiences have been dating cross-culturally. Post your comments and enlighten us with your experiences. Does it work? What do you do if the parents absolutely flip out? How are your friends reacting? Who cares? Talk to me people.
Ah yes, and if you're curious, enlightened or otherwise seeking to meet Asian men, check out the website http://aznlover.com/. My friend also runs a website called Asiandating.com (not sure if that's the URL, I'll confirm and update the post later!
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